Mum’s Santa letter

Dear Santa,

First off, I want to assure you, my children like you, they just like the idea of you more than they actually like you.  I think it’s the beard, and maybe the big wintery suit when everyone else is wearing shorts that puts them off. You probably know this already, but they aren’t the biggest fan of talking to any adult they don’t really know so, no offence, but they are not going to sit on your knee and tell you what they want for Christmas this year, (hence the letter).
The four-year-old is also surprisingly suspicious about how you are planning on getting around to everyone’s houses. I’ve told them the whole reindeer thing but I have a feeling he isn’t really buying what I’m selling. Yes, yes, I have used the “if you don’t believe you don’t receive” line and a quick change of topic, for now that is working so I guess that tactic is going to get a good run in years to come.
Now, if you know anything about four-year-olds, which, given your job I’m assuming you do, you will know the questions come thick and fast. The one that seems to be perplexing him the most at the moment is, how exactly you are planning on getting in to the house when there is no fireplace or chimney? I have suggested that we will just leave the door open that night but he is worried a robber will come in and steal our Christmas tree and “beautiful decorations” so if you could give me a hint on how to handle that one that would be great.

Now, for what I am writing about… the requests. The children have been good, despite what my neighbor might tell you (with all the commotion that I am sure they hear daily).
Leo is setting his hopes high with the request of a simple pink yo-yo,  unfortunately when I went to go find the yo-yo for you it became apparent that yo-yo’s haven’t been in fashion for about twenty years and the options were VERY limited. I had to settle for a red, flashing Paw Patrol one, but the second unfortunate thing is that when I suggested that maybe you wouldn’t be able to find a pink one, he said that was fine as long as you didn’t get a red or a black one he would be happy. So maybe a note that goes along with the disappointing red yo-yo would be appreciated. I’m sure, if you would be so kind, some other toys will help fill the void of disappointment that the failing red yo-yo is sure to bring.
Maisie is easy, she wants a snorkel. Not that she knows how to use it or knows what they are for, in fact I am pretty sure she just plans on walking around the house with it but either way, a snorkel please, orange if you’ve got one. I think she would also like a microphone, so she can yell her favourite thing to yell, “Attention please, saying words” in to an actual microphone instead of into the microphone shaped honey dripper that we have given her to play with.
Posy is a baby, she doesn’t know who you are or what is going on, but she is teething and dribbling like nothing else, so at risk of stealing a line from an old-fashioned song, her two front teeth would be fantastic.
And as for myself, well I’ve got a long list, mostly Mum stuff you know, nice kids, clean house, etc. etc. Basically, all I want is just an uninterrupted conversation with my husband, and children who wait until I am free to ask for a snack. Too much to ask? I thought it would be, no problem, I’ll just take a baby that sleeps through the night.

So, Santa, I may have to think of some better reasons as to why you don’t already know Leo’s name when we see you in the shops, or why and how you can be in so many places in December when you have the big job of checking naughty and nice lists. But for now, I am going to let you off the hook, this last month the threat of you not coming has worked wonders, and for that I am grateful.
Thanks for keeping my kids in line, sorry the letter is so late, you are a Christmas miracle worker, right?

Safe Travels and Merry Christmas,

With love, Jess xx

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2 thoughts on “Mum’s Santa letter

  1. 🤣 when these questions came up at kinder, I used to tell the children that Santa at shops etc was a very special person given permission by Santa to collect the important info! Also Santa’s not phased by no chimney! He’s magic! Magic dust opens the door or whatever magic you want to make up that doesn’t terrify him!

    Liked by 1 person

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