1. Where are you off to?
The kitchen usually, or the washing machine, just need to check it is all still there and all those buttons are still flashing at me.
Now that Leo has taken off I spend my day chasing. There is no such thing as staying in one place for ten minutes. He is busy and inquisitive. In many ways the immobile days, although extremely frustrating for Leo, were so much easier. Back then, I could quickly go make the bed or hang out the washing and know where he was at all times. Now, all I can do is hope that we have baby proofed well enough that he won’t find too much trouble, oh and of course rush. A more mobile child equates to a more efficient mother, dinners are made either quickly or in segmented parts, cleaning usually happens baby on hip with one hand and hair and makeup takes a total of five minutes, if it happens at all.
2. Where is your sock?
One sock is always missing, the other dangling on the foot looking like it is close behind. You would think that making the effort to buy ‘stay on socks’ that is what they would do, stay on, but somehow I am always looking for that missing sock. Asking my son where it is as if he will look at me and say ‘I just left it over there Mum’.
So it is a constant battle, sock goes on, sock goes missing, sock goes on, gets pants tucked into it surely that is more secure, other sock goes missing, sock gets found, goes back on, pants tucked in, wait where is the other sock? And so on…
Needless to say I am constantly finding odd socks amongst the toys, typically after I have done all of the washing.
3. Do you smell?
A question usually asked simultaneously with lifting my son up and smelling his pants, or on the busy days, chasing him around the room trying to catch a wiff.
A completely ridiculous and disgusting thing to do if done to an adult yet, as a parent, you don’t even think about it. You’ll do it anywhere, at home, with friends, in public, it’s subconscious. You won’t even know you are doing it, you won’t be able to remember when you started doing it. It just happens. Then for some reason you’ll talk about it like it is a completely normal thing to talk about, no one you know wants to talk about nappy changes and the bowel movements of your child but you don’t care you’ll talk about it anyway. Then it happens, that’s when it hits you, that is when you realise you are someone’s parent.
4. Nuh-uh, not for babies.
Warning to all parents to be. As soon as your baby begins to move a small baby whispering fairy goes through your house and highlights all the things they are not supposed to touch.
Another word of warning, babies have selective hearing, I swear. ‘Nuh-uh not for babies’ means nothing, you might as well hold your breath, but say ‘Do you want a drink?’ and they will come crawling as quick as they can…Funny that.
5. No biting.
Now that there are five, almost six, razor like teeth in my little boy’s mouth this is said a bit too much for my liking. My husband says it is a term of endearment, as apparently I am the only one worth biting, the small teeth shaped marks on my arms and legs don’t see it that way.
Biting while breastfeeding is a whole other pain that I need not bore nor torture you with.
6. Oh, you’re tired.
You must be, I am and you’re much smaller than me.
He could be rubbing his eyes every two minutes, his head could be taking little rests on the floor and the tired stares might have set in but there is no way he is sleeping. Being awake is just so much fun.
No explanation necessary.
8. You’re so beautiful/clever/gorgeous/strong.